Although no one wants to be in this place in his or her relationship ever, it happens, and it’s better to know how to deal with it if it ever does. The terrifying cheat.
I really wish no one the hurt of going through a cheat, but I really think that there needs to be some thought process put behind preparing yourself mentally for this situation. Not to be paranoid – just to make sure you deal with your situation in the best possible way. So, here are some tips to take into consideration when it comes to cheating. Hopefully you’ll find that they work.
Here are some best ways to deal with cheating :
Be Separate from the moment
Separate yourself from the moment – your reaction two seconds after being told you were cheated on will probably not be the best reaction in the world. You need to have enough maturity to control yourself and breathe, planning to come back to the situation after you control your emotions. You’ll be thankful later on if you had the strength to distance yourself from the moment to give yourself time to think.
Ask for time
Ask for time. No one can make a rational, logical decision regarding their relationship ten seconds after finding out something like this. Tell him or her that you need time to figure out how you’re going to deal with this, and that they need to give you space to do it. By space, however, I literally mean: SPACE. They shouldn’t call you, or text you, or try to see you, or talk to you in any way. In order for you to figure out what to do with the situation at hand, you need to be apart from them for a decent amount of time (say a week) – time during which a lot of thinking will take place.
When you’re by yourself, you should try your best not to think about the actual cheat. You can’t devote your energy to thinking about the actual cheating over and over again, because then you’ll start to create “rational cheats”.
Avoid Rational Cheats
Avoiding “rational cheats” is really important when you’re dealing with this situation. “Rational cheats” are different scenarios you’ll create in your mind of the possible occurrence of the actual cheat, in which you’ll start to tell yourself, “Well, if it was like THAT, then maybe it’s not that bad.” First of all, wake up. Cheating is ALWAYS bad. Once you start replaying what “could have” happened that night, and you start thinking, “Maybe he was really drunk,” or, “Maybe she actually threw herself on top of him and made it hard to avoid,” or any other ridiculous rationalization, you lose perspective of things.
No matter how many times you play it over and over in your head, the damage is done and you should take it that way. Don’t tell yourself there’s a more forgivable cheat, or that you can forgive him if he did this but not if he did that. Cheating is ultimately an act of disrespect – both to you and to your relationship. It’s never justifiable, and it’s never right. The best you can do is avoid making up different scenarios in your head, and focus your energy on other things.
From Past to Present
You need to stay away from re-playing the actual CHEAT, and start processing backwards. The time away from him or her is not to dwell on how hurt you are – it’s the perfect time to take a good look at your relationship as a whole. Start at the very beginning, and move on from there. Analyze everything. The great moments, and the not so great. Think about everything in detail, and keep the actual cheating out of the picture until the very end.
This is the only way that you will be able to analyze your relationship and make a decision based on it as a whole and not just on one single event about it. Any major decision that will affect both yourself and your relationship should take the whole picture into consideration. Don’t base your feelings and your actions on this one event, however major it might be. You really need to figure out whether this relationship is really worth all the hurt, and whether it’s the best you can do. You will only be able to do this if you focus on the relationship itself, and keep the cheating out of the picture.
Stay Away From Friend’s Opinions
We all love our friends deeply, and they love us back, which is the reason why it’s a BAD IDEA to get your friend’s opinions about the cheating involved in any way with your thinking process. Because your friends love you, they will hate to see you hurt and therefore as soon as you tell them about him or her cheating they’ll go off on a “He is such a jerk” and “You deserve so much better” speech. The support from them is nice, but telling your friends what’s going on in your life and asking for their opinions are two very different things. You should avoid talking to people whose opinions will be biased, because later on when you’ve made up your mind about how you feel about the situation, you need to be able to say that you came up with your decision on your own. This way, there’s no one to blame for the outcome of your choice, except yourself.
Cheating is one of the worst things that can happen to a relationship, and therefore dealing with it correctly should be really important. It’s a hard situation to deal with, but if you try to keep as calm as possible, and as logical as possible, you’ll find it easier to tackle the problem. Remember, you need to separate yourself from the moment, separate yourself from him or her by asking for time, avoid “rational cheats” at all cost, analyze your WHOLE relationship – not just the cheat, and come up with a decision all by yourself. No matter what, you really need to stay calm and think A LOT. This is the only way that you can figure out whether your relationship is worth working on, or whether you’re ready to move on to something new.
I hope this was helpful,