Dealing with resentment in marriage is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. Solving resentment in marriage issues is very important for both partners because they directly affect their personal quality of life and the long term health of the relationship. Unfortunately not dealing with resentment in marriage properly can allow simmering anger to develop because of misunderstandings between couples. This often turns into a pattern of conflict and stress because resentment in marriage issues have not been solved.
When we marry we join together to support each other through the ups and downs of life as well as through the happy times. If there is a feeling that your spouse is emotionally unfair resentment in marriage can develop.
What Causes Resentment In Marriage
Resentment in marriage can develop over seemingly small things as well as bigger issues. It is often the result of continuously being at odds and fighting over the same thing repeatedly for a period of months or years. The list of issues causing resentment in marriage is long. Often couples are at odds with each other because of an unconscious power struggle between them. In such cases problems go unsolved because the real issue for the couples is “who will win the argument or disagreement” which makes compromise difficult to achieve resulting in a pattern of constant conflict over the same issue. Couples can begin to feel that the other person doesn’t care what they think or feel.
Marriage partners can get to the point of feeling as if they cannot stand to be with each other any longer and begin to think of breaking up. Before taking the serious step of breaking up, it might be beneficial to look at ways of saving the relationship.
Dealing With Resentment In Marriage
Dealing with resentment in marriage is important because if left unresolved it can lead to an unhappy marriage and personal life or possibly divorce.
It is only natural to begin looking for solutions to save your marriage once you realize how much danger your marriage relationship is in. Usually couples talk with each other to identify the problems. First of all, many couples talk with each other and try to recognize what the problems are. It works best when the solutions to these problems are made together with a common understanding of how to go about solving the problems. The couple should communicate their desire to be with each other because knowing that your partner is committed to you and the relationship makes it easier to solve problems in marriage.
Below are a few tips to deal with resentment in marriage:
- Arrange discussion – Arrange to have time alone to discuss marital issues without interruption. If you have children make arrangements to have this discussion after they are in bed, or even go some place away from home to have the discussion.
- Be Calm – Approach the discussion as calmly as possible, no yelling or screaming. Even if you feel your partner is the one causing the problem in order to have a successful talk you must keep the conversation focused and not become distracted with uncontrolled emotions (this may be difficult but please try).Even if the other party is at fault yelling and blaming will cause them to become defensive causing your talk to have little effect.
- Listening – When dealing with resentment in marriage it is extremely important to listen to what each other have to say without interrupting them. Listening to your spouse and hearing what they are saying means really paying attention, instead focusing on what you are going say next listen to them and then respond.
- Honesty – Being honest with your spouse about your feelings and your perceptions are a must. In order to respond to your needs your spouse must first know what you feel
- Sincerity – If you sincerely want your marriage to work, take this talk seriously and participate. Do not dismiss what your spouse is telling you. Never belittle your spouse for what they are feeling or thinking.
- Acknowledgement – Acknowledge to your partner that you understand how they feel and why they feel that way. No “buts” or “”ands” just acknowledge that you are hearing them
- Time – Recognize that it will take time to deal with resentment in marriage. It takes time to change old behavior patterns and to build the emotional trust that your spouse is sincere in the effort to improve your marriage.
- Work Letting Go of Anger – Not only is it important to change behavior it is also important to learn to let go of the resentment and anger for your marriage to progress.
- Make Notes – Make list of each issue and develop a plan of action to work on the problems causing resentment in marriage, one by one.
If it doesn’t work and you feel you are not making progress dealing with resentment in marriage issues you may want to try other solutions. Married couples can look for advice from online resources, books on saving a marriage, marriage counselors, and leaders in their place of worship. Wherever you get help it is important to think seriously about the advice or help you get because the wrong advice can make matters even worse.