Dealing with a yelling spouse can be difficult. Some mistakenly believe that a yelling spouse is less serious than one engaging in physical violence. Unfortunately constantly yelling at a spouse is a form of emotional violence and can do extreme harm to a spouse, the children and family harmony. Some would suggest abandoning a verbally abusive spouse. Others advise to put your foot down and not accept yelling behavior. It is not easy to know exactly what to do about a spouse that yells. This article provides tips on how to deal with a yelling spouse.
Because each relationship is unique with its own circumstances there can be no guarantee of results. Because verbal abuse can sometimes turn into physical abuse it is important to solve this problem as quickly as possible. Ultimately how you deal with a yelling spouse must be your own decision. However take a look at the tips included in this article and decide if they might help your situation.
- Do not underestimate the harm a yelling spouse can cause. A spouse who frequently yells is engaged in verbal bullying. Although it is not unusual for spouses to disagree and occasionally yell, constant yelling can reach the level of emotional violence that signals a need for marital help.
Partners of a yelling spouse often feel as though they are walking on egg shells. They may become anxious and indecisive. Children can develop lifelong problems with self esteem, anger, and lack of confidence. Parents must consider the importance of changing verbally abusive behavior for both their own benefit and the well being of their children.
- Expect to be respected. Often people treat us the way we expect to be treated. If we expect to be treated with respect then we will not accept being treated disrespectfully. Dealing with a yelling spouse can be difficult and in some cases scary, but demanding respect is necessary. A constantly yelling spouse can be a sign anger management issues.
Verbal bullying is one of the signs of a controlling relationship. In such cases do not allow a yelling spouse to believe they can control you by yelling at you. When your spouse starts yelling go about your normal activities such as work, visiting friends and family, books you read, sports activities, etc.
- Do an honest evaluation of your own behavior. Sometimes a spouse may feel so neglected or unappreciated that they may decide that yelling is their last resort to get your attention. Although yelling is a poor way of communicating you might want to examine your behavior to determine if it is contributing to your spouses yelling. Making your spouse feel valued and respected may be helpful in some cases. It would be useful to have a conversation with your spouse and determine how they view the relationship. In some cases yelling may be a cry for help from your spouse.
- Yelling in a marriage usually has a pattern. Change the pattern of yelling. A pattern could be as simple as getting a nasty response to a question and responding in kind. The situation escalates as one or both partners raise their voices until things reach the stage of yelling. Changing the pattern would be to keep a calm steady voice. Do not raise your voice or join in the yelling with your spouse. You might even tell your spouse that yelling is verbal abuse and you are not going to participate in it.
- If you cannot get the attention of your spouse to talk without yelling try writing a letter or sending an email. Using a letter/email to state a problem and setting a time to discuss them may be an effective way to set the stage for a civil and thoughtful discussion. Avoid venting in the email or letter. Simply state the problem you wish to discuss, and a time/place to discuss it. Perhaps meeting for lunch or dinner would be appropriate. Going for a walk in the park may be a good way to discuss issues and avoid the emotional outbreaks.
- If you have a yelling spouse encourage them to seek anger management. Any number of issues such as stress, feelings of insecurity, heath problems may be influencing your spouse’s behavior. There are those who believe that there is a strong link between low self esteem and being angry. If you are still at a place that you can communicate with your spouse you might want to strongly suggest the two of you attend counseling together.
Although a spouse yelling at their partner is not unusual it is never a good thing. Yelling at your spouse can reach the level of verbal abuse when it happens frequently or becomes a habit. It can be difficult to know when spouse yelling becomes verbal abuse. Habitually yelling at a spouse can easily become verbal abuse when it intentionally puts them down and lowers their self respect.